It's an Uphill Battle

In the past, there is only one thing that has gotten me up before sunrise and that's an early morning flight.  I managed to break that trend this morning awakening at 5:55 AM to head into the Santa Monica Mountains for 8 miles of hills.  On my list of dislikes, walking uphill is at the top following close behind snakes, pork, and migraine headaches.  So when I woke up this morning, on a dark rainy Sunday, the first thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  I literally had to psyche myself up for it. I could think of a million excuses NOT to go, such as it's too cold and rainy or the fact that Sean just had surgery and I really shouldn't leave him home alone. In the end the thought that was on a continuous loop, getting louder and louder, was that if I didn't go I would be so disappointed in myself!

I blasted The Frames in the car on the way, trying to forget about the struggle and the agony that lay ahead of me.  I was listening to a song called People Get Ready as I was driving up the canyon to our meeting spot.  The lyrics more or less express that a change is coming, to rebuild what's gone unsteady and see it through with wiser hands and the chorus reiterates that we've got all the time in the world to get it right.  I thought to myself, I'm rebuilding my physical self, getting stronger, getting faster, building muscle, burning a little fat but at the same time there's an internal change happening too.  There's something inside of me, pushing me and not allowing me to give up or make excuses for myself.  It's not happening overnight, it's a gradual process but I'm getting there.

When I arrived I had to park downhill a bit and walk up a pretty steep hill from my car to our meeting spot.  I thought, "Oh God, this isn't even part of the hike and this hill is enough for me! What am I getting myself into?" I immediately had to push those thoughts out of my head, there was no room for them.  I made it huffing and puffing to the top with the rest of the group. Our coach explained that today was not about speed; the course was about 8 miles, the first half of which was uphill so we needed to pace ourselves.  I immediately began to panic. I hate hills, I avoid hills, going uphill makes me feel like I'm minutes from death, and now I'm going to be going steadily uphill for 4 miles!  Did I mention I have asthma?  Excuses, excuses!

I thought about the lyrics again, we've got all the time in the world, and that remained my mantra.  I took it slow, I stopped to catch my breath when I needed to, held down my hat when the wind tried to toss it into the canyon below, powered through stretches when the cold rain pelted against my face, and eventually there I was at the top looking down over the city yet feeling completely removed from the chaos.  There were many times on the way to the top that I secretly wanted to quit and turn around; it wasn't easy, it was hard work pulling my weight up that hill.  I had the pleasure of making the trek up alongside my TNT (Team in Training) mentor Meghan.  She did most of the talking on the way up, since my breathing was too labored to carry on a coherent conversation, and did a fantastic job of distracting and encouraging me along the way.  As I've said before, if left to my own devices, if this were NOT a team effort, I would not push myself in the same way.

Upon returning from a trip to Atlanta two weeks ago I found out my husband, through an unfortunate flag football mishap, had fractured BOTH of his hands.  Not one hand, BOTH, one of which would require surgery! My life went from crazy, busy, and stressful, to crazier, busier, and even more stressful in an instant.  The old Jaime would have thrown her exercise routine and training out the window, seeking sanctuary from the stress through habitual laziness, sleep, and a big Sunday morning breakfast.  The new and currently being remodeled/rebuilt Jaime did 10 miles last Sunday, a feat once thought and feared impossible.  I was so unbelievably proud of my accomplishment and couldn't miss out on that feeling again today when challenged by those monstrous hills.  

For the record, hills, whether they be literal or metaphorical, SUCK, but the view at the top is well worth the uphill battle.

Speed Limits

We are all born with certain strengths and certain limitations.  Early on I decided that my natural tendency was to be creative, whether it is was making puppets with my Dad's mismatched socks or turning our formal dining room into a museum, adorning the walls with my pictures and giving my parents the history of each piece.  Sometimes my older brother Brad would include his artwork, at which point it would become a contest and my parents would have to award a Grand Prize; needless to say there would always be two pictures they were torn between and therefore, we were both winners.

My brothers played football, basketball, and baseball.  I spent my time writing, playing piano, and singing show tunes.  I never donned an athletic uniform of any kind; the closest I came was a pair of blue tights and the Smurf leotard I wore in my first dance recital.  Growing up, I never identified with the athletes.  I wasn't sporty, I was artsy, never realizing that I could be both!  

I'm about a month into training for this half marathon and while I'm definitely more in tune to my creative side (especially when it comes to creating excuses NOT to exercise) I'm getting more and more comfortable in my new role: as an athlete.  

On one of my most recent trips to the track I had the pleasure of sharing the lanes with a middle school track team.   I began my laps as they hit the bleachers, running up and down the steps, and before too long they joined me on the track.  It's not enough that training with actual runners on Sunday makes me feel like an out-of-shape slowpoke, but there I was being lapped by giggling 13 and 14 year-olds who were hardly breaking a sweat.  I'm not yet 30 but suddenly I felt positively ancient among those kids.  I was tired and my left ankle was a little stiff.  It was official; not only was I SLOW, I was OLD and SLOW!  I should have just turned off my iPod and headed for my car, but instead I stopped, took a few minutes to stretch my tired "old" limbs and quickly returned to the track. Only this time, I was faster, pushing myself to work harder because I wasn't going to let Hannah Montana and her tween track stars show me up!  Suddenly, I began to lap them one by one!  Just kidding, they were STILL running circles around me but unbeknownst to them their presence, while slightly annoying me, was actually helping improve my speed and endurance.  I had this desire to get past the voice in my head that reminds me of all of the non-athletic labels I've given myself over the years.

On Sunday we did seven miles.  As a half-marathon participant I was only supposed to do six but I decided that I wanted to challenge myself and do the seven with those who are training for the full.  It was hot and I was tired and sweaty.  Left to my own devices, I would have probably quit around mile five.  I had the good fortune of training that morning with our team's coach, who kept pushing me to do more than I thought I was capable of.  Every time he presented me with a new challenge he would preface it with, "Don't hate me, but......" For instance, "Don't hate me but now you're going to do 100 one-armed push ups" or "Don't hate me but now you're going to run the next two miles with your eyes closed."  Okay, it wasn't quite like that, but in a sense it was, because he was challenging me to do things that I really didn't think I was capable of doing, things that I didn't think my body was capable of doing.  I finished the seven miles and to my amazement, I finished that seven miles jogging, not walking. Not crawling on my hands and knees, not on a stretcher, but ME, JOGGING!!!!!  After seven miles in the hot sun my body still had the energy to run!  

I may not have the speed of those middle schoolers or most of the people who run alongside me on Sundays, but I'm thankful for every ounce of athleticism that I do possess.  And limitations?   Limitations are a thing of the past!