It's an Uphill Battle

In the past, there is only one thing that has gotten me up before sunrise and that's an early morning flight.  I managed to break that trend this morning awakening at 5:55 AM to head into the Santa Monica Mountains for 8 miles of hills.  On my list of dislikes, walking uphill is at the top following close behind snakes, pork, and migraine headaches.  So when I woke up this morning, on a dark rainy Sunday, the first thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  I literally had to psyche myself up for it. I could think of a million excuses NOT to go, such as it's too cold and rainy or the fact that Sean just had surgery and I really shouldn't leave him home alone. In the end the thought that was on a continuous loop, getting louder and louder, was that if I didn't go I would be so disappointed in myself!

I blasted The Frames in the car on the way, trying to forget about the struggle and the agony that lay ahead of me.  I was listening to a song called People Get Ready as I was driving up the canyon to our meeting spot.  The lyrics more or less express that a change is coming, to rebuild what's gone unsteady and see it through with wiser hands and the chorus reiterates that we've got all the time in the world to get it right.  I thought to myself, I'm rebuilding my physical self, getting stronger, getting faster, building muscle, burning a little fat but at the same time there's an internal change happening too.  There's something inside of me, pushing me and not allowing me to give up or make excuses for myself.  It's not happening overnight, it's a gradual process but I'm getting there.

When I arrived I had to park downhill a bit and walk up a pretty steep hill from my car to our meeting spot.  I thought, "Oh God, this isn't even part of the hike and this hill is enough for me! What am I getting myself into?" I immediately had to push those thoughts out of my head, there was no room for them.  I made it huffing and puffing to the top with the rest of the group. Our coach explained that today was not about speed; the course was about 8 miles, the first half of which was uphill so we needed to pace ourselves.  I immediately began to panic. I hate hills, I avoid hills, going uphill makes me feel like I'm minutes from death, and now I'm going to be going steadily uphill for 4 miles!  Did I mention I have asthma?  Excuses, excuses!

I thought about the lyrics again, we've got all the time in the world, and that remained my mantra.  I took it slow, I stopped to catch my breath when I needed to, held down my hat when the wind tried to toss it into the canyon below, powered through stretches when the cold rain pelted against my face, and eventually there I was at the top looking down over the city yet feeling completely removed from the chaos.  There were many times on the way to the top that I secretly wanted to quit and turn around; it wasn't easy, it was hard work pulling my weight up that hill.  I had the pleasure of making the trek up alongside my TNT (Team in Training) mentor Meghan.  She did most of the talking on the way up, since my breathing was too labored to carry on a coherent conversation, and did a fantastic job of distracting and encouraging me along the way.  As I've said before, if left to my own devices, if this were NOT a team effort, I would not push myself in the same way.

Upon returning from a trip to Atlanta two weeks ago I found out my husband, through an unfortunate flag football mishap, had fractured BOTH of his hands.  Not one hand, BOTH, one of which would require surgery! My life went from crazy, busy, and stressful, to crazier, busier, and even more stressful in an instant.  The old Jaime would have thrown her exercise routine and training out the window, seeking sanctuary from the stress through habitual laziness, sleep, and a big Sunday morning breakfast.  The new and currently being remodeled/rebuilt Jaime did 10 miles last Sunday, a feat once thought and feared impossible.  I was so unbelievably proud of my accomplishment and couldn't miss out on that feeling again today when challenged by those monstrous hills.  

For the record, hills, whether they be literal or metaphorical, SUCK, but the view at the top is well worth the uphill battle.